Bitter Sweet.
Bitter. Sweet.
I've come to believe that those two words are the answer to every philosophical question that's ever wandered through the empty hallways of my mind and rapped repeatedly at the front door of my brain in synchronized rhythm with my heart.
Inhale. Bitter.
Exhale. Sweet.
Knock. knock. Bitter.
Knock. knock. Sweet.
The rising of my chest has been weighted down with all of the bitter, and as I struggle to release a song of joy with each new breath the contraction of my ribs refuses to set it free. Cages protect what is outside of them. And are prisons from what's within. Where is the heart?
But this balance, although difficult, is necessary. Hearts are dangerous. Hearts are passion unbounded by laws of thought and reason.
My whole life I've heard about right and wrong, good and bad, light and dark.
These past two years, the greatest lesson that I've learned is that there is no opposition between those words. We've been led to believe that those things undo one another, but we just didn't understand. Tension, and opposition are two very different things.
We think that if something is not good it is bad.
What is wrong and right is subjective. Light and dark don't undo one another, they complete each other. They can't live without each other.
I'm moving soon. I've started to say my goodbyes, and my pockets jiggle jangle heavy with melancholy change.
However, I can't say that I'm sad, because with change comes growth, and as much as everything is changing, I'm making room for so much more.
Life is filled not with oppositions, but with tensions, and it is the constant pull, between holding on and letting go, between this transition that is causing me pain, to this new limitlessness that is so wonderful, that I am, that we are, able to sail out of a safe harbor, to uncharted waters, that hold so many possibilities.
Pull too tight and your sails lose power. We need to Let Go. As hard and painful as it is, we need to.
But without any pull, your sails can't catch any wind...
It is the tension, the balance, that exists between everything, between me and you, and here and there, then and now, that connects all of us.
I've started to say my goodbyes.
Tears have been shed.
And now when we hug I feel like we hold each other so tightly, its as if we are trying desperately to draw ourselves into one another so that we can't be parted.
But we've all got our own voyages to take.
Last night I was asked how I felt.
Tonight I have an answer.
I feel Bitter Sweet.
"I have to learn to let go and remain all at once." - Elizabeth Lives
