Sometimes I really miss people that I make up in my head. I'm not the kind of person that easily becomes attached to others. It takes me a long while to become truly comfortable with someone. And because I don't become close quickly or easily, I don't often miss people when they're not around.

But sometimes, when my mind is wandering, which it often does when I find myself not watching it carefully, I come across the strangest people. They reoccur in my dreams. I know that they're not real. Simply characters my mind's made up. A lot of the times they don't necessarily have faces. They have lives and traits and adventures and secrets, but hardly ever do they have a face. Some have names and others don't. Its a silly way that I amuse myself when anything else fails to hold my attention.

Theres a man that explores jungles

A girl that knows everything there is to know about bees

There is a well mannered lion that reads at the breakfast table

There is an old couple that fell in love when they were young and then were separated for a long time but never forgot each other

There is a girl named Angela. She's a very corporate type. Wears high heels to work.

There are two little boys that I once saw in a pizza commercial, and sometimes I think about having pizza with them.

Robert always wears a blue shirt and dark jeans and has dark hair but no face. He likes parks. He'll sit in a park all day long watching people ride by on their bicycles. They always look as though they have no obligations, cares or worries. Free. That is the way he sees them. His favorite sound is the sound that the bells on their bicycles make. Sometimes he thinks about getting a bike, but he never does. Instead he sits on a bench and watches them. Sometimes he gets up and walks back and forth, in front of the bench. And sometimes when I fall asleep, I dream that I am at his park and he gets up and meets me and we watch them bike together.

These people, unlike the real living breathing ones that I forget to call or don't think of when they're away, these made up imaginary people that I invent to entertain myself, I end up missing because I know that they're not real. I'm sure someone would think they're my subconscious telling me something. Whether or not that be true, they really are nice people.

Dangerous Waters

In this ongoing process of growing up something that is becoming increasingly more important to me, increasingly more admirable to me, is when a person is able to hold true to their convictions.

People change their hair cuts, their favorite bands, change to decaf instead of caffeinated, from one line of work to another, they change their cliques, their habits, their minds. We are forever changed and shaped by the events and people in our lives, and because these changes are constant motions in life its difficult to say when we stop being who we were when we changed into who we are.

At different points in time we all have said things that we had believed to be true. We have all said things that we had believed we believed in. But as we change, so do our beliefs. Ideals that we had once stood so steadfastly behind, now lay abandoned and forgotten.

Believing in something is important, I think. I don't necessarily mean beliefs in any particular religion. Worship or don't worship whatever deity of your choosing, it makes no difference to me. But believing in something strongly, anything strongly, gives you a sense of self, and that is crucial. It is crucial to have something concrete that at the end of they day you can turn over in your mind,and reassure yourself that you are the person that you want to be because of it. It is crucial to have something that you can put your faith in, so that you know that the person you go to bed at night as, is the same one that you wake up as in the morning.

Having something that you can believe in gives you a moral code to live by, it gives you a sense of right and wrong, a sense of direction. Far too many of us live our lives in indifference. Think something. Have some kind of opinion about something. If we live indifferently we have no hope of progress. So many people complain about the state of things, of the economy, of the environment, "where's the neighborhood going", etc.

We're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere because no body cares. We change too often and too quickly to devote enough of ourselves to any idea, and without any idea we have nothing to create, or contribute. We're forever floundering because we're too lazy to form a conclusive opinion of our own.

I remember one time a class I was in debated about The Ship of Theseus, a ship that eventually had every piece of it replaced so that there wasn't a single piece of the original ship that remained. Is it the same ship or a different ship all together?

People are the same way. On the surface we're always changing. I think though however, that if you hold true to your convictions, whatever they may be, some small piece of you will still be with you when you wake up in the morning. You can pick the best part of yourself, the part of yourself that you want to stand behind, and you can believe in it, hold on to it, live by it, and that part of you will be sure to wake up in the morning just the same as it was when you went to bed.

I think that its tragic when a person no longer recognizes who they are because they've grown too far apart from who they were.

I think those who put faith into an idea and live by it are stronger than those that don't believe in anything.

And I think that remaining true to yourself and what you believe in is possibly one of the most difficult things to do. I admire those that can embrace the changes and the challenges they are being faced with, and I wish them luck.